


Nightmares and Christmas Kisses

by GatorGirl2016



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Morning, Dean Winchester Needs Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs to Use Actual Words, Emotionally Repressed Dean Winchester, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28254282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GatorGirl2016/pseuds/GatorGirl2016
Summary: It's been months since Cas has been brought back from the Empty, and Dean is still having nightmares. He wakes up on Christmas morning, just having had another one. When he gets caught under the mistletoe with Cas, Dean runs away, unable to kiss the angel because of what it would mean on his part. Can the two resolve their feelings for one another and have a perfect Christmas morning after all?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 80





	Nightmares and Christmas Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, hope you enjoy this fluffy one-shot. I really just wanted to write something that wasn't for a bang and had a little Christmas spirit to it. Happy holidays to all!

Dean looked at Cas, tears shining in his eyes. The angel’s eyes were brimming with unshed tears just waiting to overflow. Dean swallowed thickly as he asked, “Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

The tears finally fell down Cas’ face as he gave a small nod of his head. “Because it is. I love you.”

Dean stared at the angel, unable to process what was being said to him. He gave a slight shake of his head. “Don’t do this, Cas.” He heard a slimy sound and looked behind him to see inky, black goo forming a hole in the brick wall. He turned back around. “Cas.”

Cas reached out and laid a bloody palm on Dean’s shoulder. “Goodbye, Dean,” Cas said softly before shoving Dean away from him. The last thing Dean saw was Cas being consumed by the Empty, the inky blackness fully consuming him.

Dean jerked awake as Miracle jumped on the bed and started licking him in the face. “Hey, boy, good morning to you, too,” Dean said as he wrapped his arms around the dog’s neck and buried his face in the thick fur.

Jack had brought Cas back from the Empty months ago, yet Dean was still plagued by nightmares, forced to watch Cas die over and over again. No matter what he did, go to bed early, drink less alcohol, go for a drive in Baby, he couldn’t get rid of the nightmares. All of his friends and family were worried about him, but he refused to let any of them help him.

Even though he told everybody he didn’t know what else he could try to get rid of the nightmares, it was a lie. Dean knew why he still had them and what he had to do to get rid of them, but he was too afraid to do so. He had Cas back; he wasn’t willing to lose him again just to get rid of the nightmares.

There was a knock on the bedroom door, causing Dean to jump. He raised his head from Miracle’s fur and called, “Yeah?”

“Dean, everyone is up and waiting for you. Get your butt up and come to the kitchen so we can all enjoy a Christmas breakfast together,” Sam said from the other side of the door.

Dean sighed and scrubbed his hand down his face. After the night he had, he wasn’t feeling all that Christmas-y. But it was their first Christmas as a real family now that Jack, Eileen, and Cas were back, and he wouldn’t ruin it for everybody else just because he had a shitty night of sleep.

He ran a hand down Miracle’s head and back as he said, “I’m coming, I’m coming. You go ahead, and I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“Don’t be too long, or I’ll send Cas to come get you,” Sam warned before walking away.

Dean huffed out a breath and swung his legs over the side of his bed. The last person he wanted to be alone with right now was Cas. “C’mon, boy, we better go before Sammy gets his knickers in a twist,” Dean said to the dog as he pulled his dead guy robe on.

A minute later, he walked into the bunker’s kitchen to find everyone else already sitting at the table. Sam and Eileen were next to each other, sporting matching heart eyes as they stared at one another. Jack was at the head of the table, with Cas sitting to his right. The two were leaning towards each other, in deep conversation about something Dean could only guess at. Dean quietly poured himself a cup of coffee before taking the empty chair next to Cas. The angel looked at him, a gummy smile on his face as he took a seat.

“Merry Christmas, Dean. I hope you slept well,” Cas said.

Dean took a sip of his coffee, hoping the hot liquid would help to wake him up. He shrugged before replying, “Merry Christmas, Cas. I slept as well as I could.” Cas eyed him curiously, obviously not believing the lie Dean told. Dean attempted to smile at his friend. “I’m fine, Cas, don’t worry about me.”

Before Cas could say anything more, Sam was rubbing his hands together, gleefully saying, “Alright, who’s ready for breakfast? Jack and I have spent the last hour on it, so you guys better enjoy it.”

With a snap of Jack’s fingers, the table was suddenly filled with plates piled high with eggs, sausage, bacon, pancakes, hashbrowns, and toast. With another snap of his fingers, everyone had a plate full of food sitting in front of them. Jack had a proud smile on his face as he looked at each of them.

“Showoff,” Eileen mumbled, a smirk on her face. 

Jack laughed at the obvious teasing. “What’s the point in being God if I don’t get to use my powers for simple things?”

“True that! Good job, kid; now let’s see if it tastes as good as it looks,” Dean said, grabbing a piece of bacon and shoving it into his mouth. He moaned around the mouthful. “Twis tis dwelisus,” Dean said.

Sam frowned at his brother. “Dude, how many times do I have to tell you not to talk when you have food in your mouth?” Dean just grabbed another piece and shoved it in his mouth.

Breakfast was a joyous affair. They talked about mundane things, the next case they would be working on or going to visit Jody, Donna, and the girls. Dean wanted to do a full tuneup on Baby while Sam wanted to visit the local bookstore. Cas, now that he was human, wanted to start learning how to cook and knit to pass the time. Eileen agreed that learning how to knit would be fun. Jack would have to return to Heaven in a few days to check up on everything, but he promised not to be gone too long. 

Once everybody had eaten their fill, Jack snapped the dishes away. “Is it time to open presents now?”

“Yeah, Jack, it is. Why don’t we all go get our gifts and meet in the Dean cave?” Dean suggested.

Cas and Dean were the first to stand up, walking out of the kitchen at the same time when Sam gave a joyous cry. “Ha, I knew that was going to work! Look at what you guys are standing under!”

Dean looked up in trepidation and barely contained the growl that had built in his throat. Hanging in the doorway above their heads was a large clump of mistletoe. Dean glared at his brother. “This isn’t funny, bitch. I’m not doing some stupid kissing tradition.”

Cas cocked his head and asked, “What kissing tradition?”

Dean covered his face with his hand and groaned. He dropped his hand and stared at his feet as he explained, “When two people stand under the mistletoe at the same time, they are supposed to kiss.”

“Oh, well, that’s not so horrible. Does it have to be a long kiss?” Cas asked, as innocent as ever.

Dean’s head shot up. “Dude, what does it matter? Are you seriously ok with kissing me?”

Cas’ cheeks turned a bright red, and he reached up to scratch at the back of his neck, a habit he had picked up from Dean. “I, um, I mean… it is a tradition, so we have to do it, right?”

“C’mon, Dean, quit being a spoilsport,” Sam called.

“Yeah, Dean, kiss Cas,” Eileen agreed.

“Please, Dean, it is tradition, and you promised to give me a real Christmas,” Jack said, his eyes large and begging.

Dean sighed. “Fine.” He looked at Cas. “Just one short kiss, and that’s it.”

Cas nodded, a small smile on his face. Dean watched as he closed his eyes, pursed his lips, and leaned towards him. Dean held himself still, watching with growing despair as Cas got closer and closer. Just before Cas’ lips collided with his, he jerked out of the way. Cas’ eyes shot open in surprise, and he barely managed to stop himself from falling on his face.

Four pairs of eyes were suddenly on Dean. He looked between each of them, his gaze finally coming to rest on Cas. “I’m sorry; I just- I just can’t,” he stammered out before turning around and running towards his room. He ignored the calls from behind him and slammed his bedroom door shut as soon as he was inside. He leaned his back to the door, his chest heaving. He slowly slid down the wood until his ass hit the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

He had wanted to kiss Cas, desperately so, but he couldn’t. For Cas, the kiss would have just been a silly joke, but for Dean, it would have been so much more. The minute Cas had walked into Dean’s life, he had tried to tamp down burgeoning feelings for the heavenly being. Every time he lost the angel, it had been a punch in the gut, and Dean had been forced to face his every growing affection towards Cas. After eleven long years, Dean was finally able to admit that what he felt towards the angel was more than just brotherly love, but he knew Cas didn’t feel the same way he did.

Sure, Cas had said he loved Dean, but Cas had been an angel at the time, and they didn’t feel the same way humans did. He probably just meant he loved Dean in a platonic way, not in an all-consuming romantic way like Dean felt towards him. That was why Dean was still having nightmares even though it had been months since Cas had been pulled from the Empty. Cas’ final words haunted Dean because when Cas had finally said he loved him, even if it had been brotherly affection, Dean hadn’t said anything back. Cas had died without ever knowing how Dean felt. 

Now that he was back, Dean was afraid to tell Cas the truth and ruin their friendship. Cas was one of the most important people in his life, and he couldn’t live without him. So, if he had to keep his true feelings secret and keep having nightmares just to keep Cas around, he would. Cas’ presence meant more to him than some recurring nightmare and lost sleep.

Dean jerked at the sudden knock on his door. “Dean, are you ok?” Cas asked softly. Dean was silent, hoping if he didn’t answer, maybe Cas would go away. “Dean, I know you’re in there. Please, answer me.”

Dean felt a punch to his gut at hearing the despair in Cas’ voice. He scrambled to his feet and took a deep breath before slowly opening the door. Cas was standing on the other side, his lips set in a frown and his eyes shining with something Dean didn’t want to try and identify. “Hey, Cas.”

Cas shifted on his feet a few times before asking, “Can I come in?”

Dean hesitated but finally acquiesced. “Sure,” he said, stepping to the side and letting Cas enter. He headed straight to Dean’s bed and took a seat. Dean shut the door and leaned his head against the cool wood, trying to get his racing emotions under control.

“Dean, I’m sorry if I freaked you out earlier with the mistletoe. If I had known you were uncomfortable with it, I wouldn’t have insisted on us doing it,” Cas said in a quiet voice.

Dean licked his dry lips. “It’s fine, Cas. You didn’t freak me out.”

“Then why did you run away?” Cas’ voice was full of hurt, and Dean hated himself for causing it in the first place. Dean waited too long to answer. “Dean, there’s something wrong between us, but I can’t figure out what it is. Ever since… ever since Jack pulled me from the Empty, you have been distant. I thought… had hoped… nevermind.”

Dean turned around. He fought back the whimper that threatened to escape. Cas looked so forlorn and reminded Dean of a child who had lost their parents. “There’s nothing wrong between us, Cas. I’m glad to have you back; how could you think I wasn’t?”

Cas cocked his head, his eyes squinted in confusion. “Ever since I’ve come back, you’ve avoided me or at least avoided being alone with me. When I walk into a room, you come up with some excuse to leave. You barely say more than a few sentences to me when we do talk, and you’ve refused to go on a case with me.” Cas dropped his gaze. “If you want me to leave, Dean, just tell me. Now that I’m human, I know I’m not very useful to you.”

A tidal wave of guilt crashed through Dean at the ex-angel’s words. Cas was sitting in his room, rejection, and sorrow leaking from every pore. And it was all Dean’s fault. He had been trying to hide his feelings, and in doing so, had hurt Cas yet again. Dean realized if there was one person in this world that he didn’t want to hurt ever again, it was Cas. 

Gathering all the courage he had, Dean walked forward and took a seat next to Cas. “Cas...I don’t care if you’re human or angel. Your worth to me doesn’t come from having some magical mojo. I’m-I’m so sorry that I’ve made you think that.” Dean took a few breaths, trying to get his thoughts in order. “I want you here, Cas, in the bunker… with me, no matter what you are.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?” Cas asked, timidly.

Dean swallowed past the lump in his throat. “It’s not you that I’m avoiding.”

Cas looked at Dean. “I don’t understand.”

“Do you want to know what my nightmares are about?” Dean asked, twisting his fingers together.

“I asked once before, but you refused to tell me,” Cas replied.

“They’re about the night that I lost- that you were taken by the Empty,” Dean admitted, looking straight ahead.

A small gasp escaped Cas. “Dean, why didn’t you ever say something?”

Dean shrugged. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

Cas was silent for a few seconds before saying, “Why are you having them? I’m here; you know the Empty didn’t keep me.”

Dean struggled to explain the truth of his nightmares. “They aren’t about you being taken and kept by the Empty.”

“But you said-”

“They’re about what you said to me,” Dean said, cutting Cas off. “When… when you said… when you said you loved me.”

Cas jerked back as if Dean had slapped him. “Oh. I didn’t- I didn’t know… I’m sorry that what I said to you was so awful that it’s causing you to have nightmares.” Cas stood to his feet and rushed to the door. 

Dean’s head jerked up, and he just managed to grab Cas’ wrist. “Cas, wait!”

Cas spun around, attempting to pull his wrist from Dean’s grasp. “Let me go, Dean,” he cried, tears already clogging his voice.

“Cas, wait, just let me explain,” Dean said roughly.

“I think you’ve done enough explaining,” Cas replied.

“No, I’ve done a piss poor job at explaining! It’s not what you said that’s causing the nightmares; it’s what I didn’t say that’s causing them,” Dean growled.

Cas froze instantly. “What?”

Dean let Cas’ wrist drop from his grasp. He walked backward until the backs of his knees hit the mattress. He sat down heavily, his gaze angled towards the floor. “What you said, Cas, it was exactly what I’ve wanted to hear for years.” Dean dragged his eyes up until they focused on Cas. “You died, telling me how you felt towards me, and I didn’t say a damn thing back.”

Cas gave a single shake of his head. “Dean, I never expected you to.”

“That’s not the point! The point is you died thinking that I didn’t care about you, that I didn’t feel the same way about you. I should have said something; you deserved that much. You deserved to know the truth!” Dean went silent before adding, “But the truth is, I don’t feel the same way about you.”

Cas took a seat next to Dean once again. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Dean. I know you care about me. You’ve told me multiple times how I’m like a brother to you and Sam.”

“That’s just it, Cas. The feelings I have for you... they aren’t the same feelings I have for Sam. I don’t think of you as a brother,” Dean tried to explain. “I know when you said… when you said you- you loved me, that you meant like a brother. But I don’t feel that way about you, Cas.”

“Dean, look at me,” Cas requested gently. He waited until Dean turned towards him before reaching a hand out and softly cupping Dean’s cheek in his palm. “Dean, when I said I loved you, it wasn’t meant platonically.”

Dean shook his head. “But you were an angel. Angels don’t feel love the way humans do. How could it be anything but?”

A tender smile stretched across Cas’ face. “ You’re right, angels don’t feel love or any emotions the same way humans do, but Dean, I haven’t been a proper angel in years.”

Dean’s eyes went wide. “So that means?”

“It means when I said I love you, I meant it romantically. I meant it as being in love with you, Dean Winchester,” Cas assured him. “I have been for years, and I knew that if there was one thing I wanted to do before I died, it was to tell you how I really felt about you.”

Emotion clogged Dean’s throat, and he could do nothing more than surge forward and press his lips against Cas’. The kiss was everything Dean had imagined and more. All the pent up love the two had felt came spilling forth as their lips moved gently against each other. Cas’ hands came up to cradle Dean’s head, angling it slightly so that he could deepen the kiss. When Cas’ tongue licked across the seam of Dean’s mouth, he didn’t hesitate to let Cas in. Cas explored every inch of Dean’s mouth he could reach, his touches soft and tender. Dean did his own exploring, his touches just as gentle. They finally pulled away, gasping for breath, but they kept their foreheads resting against one another.

Green locked with blue as Dean whispered, “I love you, Cas. I have for years; I was just too afraid to say anything. Too afraid to lose you as a friend. I need you in my life, Cas. I didn’t think… I didn’t think you loved me the same way, and I was afraid if you found out the truth, you would leave the bunker.”

Cas nuzzled his nose against Dean’s. “You silly hunter. How could I ever love you in any other capacity? The things I’ve done for you, Dean, aren’t things I would do for a brother. I love you, Dean, and I need you just as much.”

Dean pressed his lips to Cas’ again, reveling in the fact that he could. He rested his palm against Cas’ cheek, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into the smooth skin. “I guess you were right,” he murmured between them.

“About what?”

Dean smiled. “Good things do happen to me, and I did deserve to be saved.”

“I will spend the rest of my life making sure good things happen to you, Dean Winchester,” Cas said as he peppered kisses to the hunter’s face. 

“So will I, Cas, so will I,” Dean agreed.

They spent a few more minutes enjoying the quiet silence and finally being in each other’s arms. They broke apart when there was a soft knock on Dean’s door. “Cas, Dean, are you guys gonna come out and open presents with us?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, kid, we’ll be out in a minute. Just gotta grab our gifts,” Dean answered.

“Alright, I’ll let Sam and Eileen know,” Jack said excitedly before racing away.

“C’mon, Cas, better not keep ‘em waiting,” Dean said, getting to his feet and pulling Cas with him. He kissed Cas once, twice, thrice, just because he could.

Cas finally pulled away, laughter bubbling out of his throat. “Dean, stop. We need to get going. We can do more kissing later.”

“Oh, I intend to do a lot more than kissing later,” Dean shot back with a suggestive wink.

After a few more kisses, Cas finally left Dean’s room and went to grab his pile of gifts. The next half hour was spent exchanging and opening presents. Sam got new lore books from Jack and Cas, some movies from Dean, and a new laptop from Eileen. Jack got a couple of board games and a bicycle, with a promise from Dean to teach him how to ride. Eileen got clothes from Jack, Cas, and Dean while Sam proposed to her, to which she tearfully said “yes” to. Sam and Eileen got Dean a new gun and knife while Jack got him the entire series of Dr. Sexy on DVD. Cas gave him a custom painting of Baby to hang up in his room. Cas got a knitting book and plenty of knitting supplies from Sam and Eileen. From Jack, he received a new trench coat since his old one had been destroyed when he was pulled from the Empty. Dean gave him a hand-knitted blanket with bees and flowers on it. Even Miracle got a pile of bones and treats.

After presents were opened, Jack insisted on taking a family photo since he wanted to start a photo album to remember all the good times. Once the picture was taken, Sam and Eileen worked on cleaning up the wrapping paper while Jack set up one of his board games. Dean and Cas decided to make hot chocolate to enjoy while they played.

While they waited for the milk to heat up, they shared soft touches and tender kisses. They whispered “I love you” at least a dozen times, happy that they could finally say it. Once the milk was heated, they divided it between five cups and added cocoa powder to each one. They headed back to the Dean Cave and passed the cups out.

“Hey, you forgot the marshmallows,” Eileen pointed out.

“Oops, we’ll be right back,” Dean said, grabbing Cas’ hand as he headed towards the kitchen.

“Why does Cas need to go with you?” Sam called.

Dean ignored his brother and kept on walking. He didn’t stop until he was standing in the kitchen’s doorway. He pulled Cas to a halt and then wrapped his arms around his waist.

“What are you doing?” Cas asked.

Dean looked up, the mistletoe still hanging above them. “Something I was too afraid to do earlier,” Dean whispered before sealing his lips over Cas’. The kiss didn’t last long as they both broke into laughter from the catcalls that they could hear behind them.

“Finally,” Eileen said.

“About time,” Sam added.

“So that’s what’s supposed to happen under the mistletoe,” Jack said.

“Merry Christmas, Cas,” Dean whispered. 

“Merry Christmas, Dean,” Cas replied, leaning forward to capture Dean’s lips again.

“This is the best Christmas ever,” Jack called.

Dean looked at Cas, love shining in his eyes. “Yeah, Jack, it’s perfect.”


End file.
